To,
Mr. Ratan Tata,
Honorable Chairman
Tata Group
Address-Not available
Sub-Self-recommendation letter for the post of Chairman of Tata Group.
Sir,
This application is without any reference coz I don’t have any. I just heard from my cousin Bunty that you are in search of your successor. So being a responsible citizen it was my duty to help you. I know you must be thinking on many names but now the time has come when you should give it a serious thought and without any more suspense I would like to strongly recommend my own name for this post. I request you to kindly conduct the interview and other formalities ASAP, later I won’t be responsible for my association with Birlas or Ambanis as they are coaxing me to join them.
You will surely ask about my educational background. Hmmm…Mr. Tata I don’t have any specific qualification. I wanted to study abroad, but my national representatives (politicians, cricketers, businessmen, film stars) deposited all my money in Swiss bank saying it is for my future. I fought with Govt. of India for my 2.86 Lack Crores and then they assured me that they will bring it back to India in sometime (don’t know how much). So in near future I’ll be completing my masters (specialization as per your group’s requirement). So somehow I could complete my B.A.(with history) coz my college didn’t have faculties to teach Science and Commerce. Mr. Tata, you will appreciate that ‘’Chanakya’’ had also not studied at IIM but he was the master of all time (some people say he had written Kamasutra by the name of Vatsyayan. Bizarre, he neither had a girlfriend nor got married).
Mr. Tata, now come to other points, I know you want a person whom you can rely on and who should be truthful to you. So sir, plz acknowledge that I grew up eating your salt…I mean ‘Tata Salt’ so I’ll never betray you.
What do I know about your group? Hmmm… not everything but I’ve heard from ‘Kashinath-the truck driver’ that you are the largest manufacturer of trucks. And yes I’ve seen some of them (sometimes some truck drivers hit dividers in tipsiness but I know you can’t impede them from driving…sorry boozing). My brother does have a Tata Nano, which he bought in installments and never lets me touch it. Sir, a request to you please provide some discount coupons of Westside (if you have in spare) as I can’t afford a shirt worth Rs. 2000 coz it’s more than my monthly grocery budget. I was using Tata Indicom for 3 years and one day you launched Tata Docomo, so being your loyal brand follower I switched to it (actually it was for cheaper…sorry economical call rates). And yeah, my dad had an insurance policy of Tata AIG but it got lapsed in first year itself due to our fund problems.
Sir, I would like to congratulate you for buying ‘Jaguar Motors,’ actually I was also interested in that deal but my friend Bablu told it won’t be profitable, so I gave up.
Mr. Tata, these things can be discussed later as well. So let me tell you about my family background. Unfortunately I’ve not born with any powerful surname behind my name and I couldn’t do anything. In my school I’d always been recognized (actually humiliated) by Pandey Sir after getting failed in exams, “Son of Tata needs not to worry, he has enough for survival” and I always used to lost in hallucination of being born with that tag. My father could only become a primary school teacher coz he too was poor and lazy. My mother was a perfect match to him as she meticulously was confined in domestic chores and three of her children. Rest of my uncles, aunties, grandpa and grand-mom are same as us, so no need to mention them.
According to me what is India’s biggest problem? Hmmm… Inflation…No its not. Coz prime minister says it’s under control and I can’t oppose such a big man. I think Salman-Katerina’s break up; Shahid-Priyanka’s patch up and Raja Chaudhary’s new melodrama are the combustible issues in India, as all news channels dribble away 5-6 episodes in a week on it. I don’t think Arushi’s Murder Case is as gigantic as the question that, ‘Who is sexier-Munny or Sheila?’
About my G.K.? Sir, I know how much M.S.Dhoni charges to play in IPL but don’t know whether entire Indian hockey team has got its remuneration paid. I know Mallika Sherawat gets 1.5 crore per item song but don’t know whether many of school girls would attain their 10th standard due to financial problems. I know about the Khan War in bollywood but don’t know whether our defense minister has taken enough corrective measures to protect us from enemy neighboring countries. And finally, I know A.Raja received Rs. 3,000 crore as bribe for 2G scam but don’t know how many zeros 3000 crore contains. Let it be sir, I know you are not interested in all this.
My awareness about international issues? Well, sir global warming is ascending everyday and my previous boss used to say it’s coz of fagging (having a fag in his fingers). Egypt has finally got the freedom and now army will rule the nation. America is the most powerful country but its president is wandering around the world to generate jobs for youth (he came to me as well, while his visit of India).
My social awareness? Sir, I know sugar is the costliest necessity for common man but fail to understand why the farmers who produce sugarcane commit suicide every here and there? I know patriotic movies are free from entertainment tax but waiting when India will get tax free education system. I read India’s per capita income is 44000 Rs but why our office’s peon still gets 2500 Rs per month?
What will be my action plans for the betterment of Tata Group and the country? Hmmm….Mr. Tata, I know you love your country, me too, especially on national holidays. So I’ll take following actions for the betterment of Indian economy and that will lead Tata Group to get strengthen-
·First of all I’ll request Indian Govt. to ban ‘The Great Khali’ to eat half of eggs of nation, it will definitely solve some food problem and people will start thinking to buy cars (at least a Nano).
·I’ll seek help of Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to order Domino’s to add extra salt (or some salt) in their pizzas and I’ll gift them one sample pack of Tata Salt each. It will definitely enhance our sells.
·I’ll hire tea vendors at high (mental) pressure areas as insurance, banking, finance, sales, marketing, pharmaceutical and stock market. Vendors will serve Tata Tea to these frustrated people and our sales will grow up.
·I’ll request all CEO’s of every company and Govt. of India to tighten time punctuality (especially for politicians), I’ll open Titan Outlets (punctuality needs proper watches) in front of all offices and will run exchange offers. It will increase our sales.
·I’ll slash down tariff of all Tata hotels and will provide the best facilities in reduced rates. When people will get habituated of our services will increase the tariff again for profit (as Sunny Deol increased his prices after Gadar-later I have heard he is working for his dad absolutely free).
Mr. Tata rest of my services and plans for your other business ventures will completely depend on my salary and perks. I would like to assure you that Rs. 200-300 won’t come on our way to work together, I’m ready for negotiation. And yeah, as I’m not from Mumbai so one suit in Hotel Taj will be enough for me to give rest to my mind and work better for you. I know a car (not Nano), mobile connection (preferably an !d..) and other facilities you will provide your own as a good employer.
Sir, you have already consumed much of my time. I’ve to offer my services to other business houses too (coz I’ve no job in hand since stock market got crashed).
Huff… one last thing don’t take a decision in haste discuss with your family and friends. I will be obliged to give you an opportunity to have a cup of tea n (coffee’ I can’t offer) with me.
Yours sincerely (If hired)
A Common Man
Indian Republic
Address-No one wants to know
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